Hey! Eyes up here….

Alright, I haven’t blogged on this for a while, but recently I began to notice a trend in males in our society.

We just can’t seem to keep our eyes on the FACES of the women we see every day. Whether at the supermarket, mall, church, school, or – even worse – at home – us men just feel the need to look at women’s bodies, and we aren’t looking at their faces.

This afternoon, I was studying at Starbucks and I noticed a young man across the room. Every person that came in the door caused him to look up from his book. Discipline in studying aside, there was a common trend. If the person was a male, he quickly began reading again, seemingly undistracted by the distraction. However, if the person was a female, and young, and was breathing, he looked and looked. In fact, I’ve only seen eyes move that fast in cartoons.

See the trend? Married men, are you listening? Men with fiancés, girlfriends and single, better turn up your listening ears.

STOP DISHONORING THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE BY OOGLING ALL OVER OTHER WOMEN.

I’ll say it nicer. Get your eyes up to a women’s face when you’re talking to her. Don’t allow your eyes to wander all over the place. Simply look her in the eyes, talk, accomplish what’s necessary and then move on. No glimpses as she leaves. No quick peeks. No nothing. Be mature.

There has been a common theme amongst men and some women in the church over the past two decades. It goes something like this:

“Well, if women didn’t dress so provocatively, we wouldn’t look. Girls – put some clothes on and stop tempting the men in your life. They can’t help it and it’s not fair!”

Well isn’t that just the biggest lie, the biggest bunch of idiotic bologna, the most demeaning thing we can subject the women in our lives to – well, technically the second, based on the premise of this article.
What we are saying when we say that is that males are simply not capable of having self control, so women need to completely cover themselves up, head to toe, and have absolutely no individuality whatsoever – all so us males can try to control ourselves.

Here’s a new adage to live by for males and females alike:
“Women, dress casually – in what you feel comfortable in, without any kind of restrictions, and us men will need to simply live with it and begin to learn how to treat you like human beings without the crutch of blaming it on you.”

Like that? I do too. Just to help a bit, here’s a list of things that you should NOT be staring at, whether she’s your wife, fiancé, girlfriend or a stranger.

Feet
Legs
Butt
Stomach
Chest
Back
………..

Whatever it is that turns you on in women, just DONT look. I don’t care if she’s wearing the awesomest, most amazing shirt and pants that really brings out her best features. You don’t have to, you shouldn’t and it’s plain rude to look, even for a second.

Don’t worry – I’m almost off my soapbox.

If you are a male and reading this, do your relationship a favor. Go apologize to your wife and be honest with her about what you’ve been doing. Guess what. I bet she already knows. I bet she dies a little bit inside when she catches you glancing towards that woman in the mall with the yoga pants on. I bet she has more issue with it then you think. To her, it’s a big deal. To you? A chance you don’t want to pass up – but you may as well watch some porn and expect the woman in your life to be OK with that too. Believe me, she knows, hates it and it is in the way of pure intimacy in your marriage.

So, all of this is to say this one thing. If you value the women in your life, and yes this includes your mom, keep your eyes on hers, don’t look at her chest when she’s talking, don’t look at her butt when she’s leaving and PLEASE begin to realize men, that WE are the problem in this, not them in ANY way.

And guess what? I do it too. If you want an accountability partner to work on this with, you can always email me. martyfredrick@me.com

Let’s begin to change the face of respectability in our society.

What comes first

Alright,

Now that we have established what bringing back dads wants to accomplish, let me tell you a bit more about me.  I am a Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary student in South Hamilton Massachusetts.  I am looking to achieve a Masters of Spiritual Formation.  I have a wonderful wife named Kaylynn.  She is amazing, and honestly what encourages me to be a better dad; more on that later.  

I have three amazing kids.  Elliott is 3.  He’s tall, energetic, learning and extremely eager to build his IQ.  He is constantly trying new things, just to see what will happen!  Mollie is 2.  She is BEAUTIFUL – which she gets from her mom.  She is the most loving, and independent person I know.  Yes, I am fully aware that those things are exclusive to each other, but she pulls it off!  Killian is currently 7 months.  He is HUGE.  Definitely the brute amongst the three kids.  He has been crawling for a few weeks, and within a day of crawling was already pulling himself up to stand.  My wife, who is in Chicago visiting family, has told me that he is just about standing on his own – at 7 months!  

 

I think the biggest, most paramount task towards being a great dad is first being a great husband. Without this, it is impossible to be a good dad.  Let me explain.   Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  I will say this, and go out on a limb in today’s society.  If your wife is NOT your number 1 priority outside of God, you will not succeed at being a good dad.  We, as husbands and dads, need to love our wives as Christ loved the church.  What does this look like?  A friend that I truly respect named Caleb spoke on this in a sermon recently.  Christ loved his church unconditionally.  He sacrificed Himself for her, He supported her, He respected her and told any one that wanted to be a part of who He was that they needed to respect her as well.

Husbands reading this.  Do you love your wife unconditionally?  Have you sacrificed for her?  Do you support all of her endeavors?  Do you respect her and stick up for her in front of others?  This means, not allowing others to talk crassly, even as a joke, about your wife and ALWAYS standing along side of her in disciplining your kids.  I can tell you with an absolute assuredness that I have not lived this out perfectly.  Doing these things will breed love, respect and the extreme close bond necessary for intimacy, and parenthood.  Heavy words for our society.

 

Where is the connection you ask between being a great husband and being a great parent?  Ephesians 5:22-24 – the famous passage taken so largely out of context – says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”  Look at what is mentioned here about the church submitting to Christ, connect that with husbands needing to love their wives as Christ loved the church and what do you get?  A wife that sees no other course of action than to submit to her husband, for in submitting to her husband, she is in turn submitting to Christ! (thanks caleb).  A husband and wife relationship that is love, based on the instructions here in Ephesians is a relationship that forms a couple that is in line with the Lord, which is a couple that makes good parents.  

 

Seeing a pattern?  

 

Men, wonder why your kids don’t respect the authority you attempt to use?  They have no idea what love is because you, as the leader of the family, have not set the example in the only relationship your kids have for an example – their mom and dad.  The hierarchy is simple:

 

Learn to love your wife, and you will be set up to love your kids because THEY will love and respect you.

 

There may be men reading this that don’t identify with the Christian faith.  The premise is still the same.  Follow the steps above on how to love your wife and I guarantee she will respond in a way that you cannot even imagine (it will be good).  Try it – just for a week.  It would be an awfully large surprise if you began doing the things mentioned above and your wife began hating you and your kids wanted to run away.

There may also be men reading this that are holding things back from their wives.  Maybe you have had a less than appropriate relationship with another woman, maybe you have lied to her about something that you view small and maybe you have skeletons in the closet that she should know.  My good friend Rod talked on this with me a few years ago because this was me.  I had been dishonest with my wife about relationships prior to our marriage and he encouraged me to share with her.  He told me that honesty creates intimacy.  1 John 1:7 says “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”  You WILL receive grace from your wife that you do not expect, but you need to be honest with her and do the things above….

 

More on this, and my story of being honest with my wife next time.

 

Good luck and see you soon!

Welcome!

Well, hello!

Welcome to Bringing Back Dads, a blog looking to encourage dads to be a bigger presence in the lives of their kids.

My name is Marty Fredrick, and I am a married man and father of three – two boys and one girl. I attend Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary in South Hamilton, Massachusetts, work full time, attempt to be as best of a father that I can to my kids and try to be a husband that loves my wife as Christ loves the Church.

In the coming days, weeks, months and years, this blog will seek to break down the barriers that our American society has built. Dads must learn how to be the teacher of their kids again. Our society has taught dads that it’s ok to run away when things get tough. We are taught that school teachers, sports coaches, youth pastors, community volunteers, relatives and even other children hold the bigger responsibility in molding the lives of our children.

This blog is not and will not be perfect, but will seek to offer thoughts that may help guide you dads out there to better communion, discipleship and loving relationships with your kids that form lasting memories and relationships.

Join me in this journey!