Alright, I haven’t blogged on this for a while, but recently I began to notice a trend in males in our society.
We just can’t seem to keep our eyes on the FACES of the women we see every day. Whether at the supermarket, mall, church, school, or – even worse – at home – us men just feel the need to look at women’s bodies, and we aren’t looking at their faces.
This afternoon, I was studying at Starbucks and I noticed a young man across the room. Every person that came in the door caused him to look up from his book. Discipline in studying aside, there was a common trend. If the person was a male, he quickly began reading again, seemingly undistracted by the distraction. However, if the person was a female, and young, and was breathing, he looked and looked. In fact, I’ve only seen eyes move that fast in cartoons.
See the trend? Married men, are you listening? Men with fiancés, girlfriends and single, better turn up your listening ears.
STOP DISHONORING THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE BY OOGLING ALL OVER OTHER WOMEN.
I’ll say it nicer. Get your eyes up to a women’s face when you’re talking to her. Don’t allow your eyes to wander all over the place. Simply look her in the eyes, talk, accomplish what’s necessary and then move on. No glimpses as she leaves. No quick peeks. No nothing. Be mature.
There has been a common theme amongst men and some women in the church over the past two decades. It goes something like this:
“Well, if women didn’t dress so provocatively, we wouldn’t look. Girls – put some clothes on and stop tempting the men in your life. They can’t help it and it’s not fair!”
Well isn’t that just the biggest lie, the biggest bunch of idiotic bologna, the most demeaning thing we can subject the women in our lives to – well, technically the second, based on the premise of this article.
What we are saying when we say that is that males are simply not capable of having self control, so women need to completely cover themselves up, head to toe, and have absolutely no individuality whatsoever – all so us males can try to control ourselves.
Here’s a new adage to live by for males and females alike:
“Women, dress casually – in what you feel comfortable in, without any kind of restrictions, and us men will need to simply live with it and begin to learn how to treat you like human beings without the crutch of blaming it on you.”
Like that? I do too. Just to help a bit, here’s a list of things that you should NOT be staring at, whether she’s your wife, fiancé, girlfriend or a stranger.
Feet
Legs
Butt
Stomach
Chest
Back
………..
Whatever it is that turns you on in women, just DONT look. I don’t care if she’s wearing the awesomest, most amazing shirt and pants that really brings out her best features. You don’t have to, you shouldn’t and it’s plain rude to look, even for a second.
Don’t worry – I’m almost off my soapbox.
If you are a male and reading this, do your relationship a favor. Go apologize to your wife and be honest with her about what you’ve been doing. Guess what. I bet she already knows. I bet she dies a little bit inside when she catches you glancing towards that woman in the mall with the yoga pants on. I bet she has more issue with it then you think. To her, it’s a big deal. To you? A chance you don’t want to pass up – but you may as well watch some porn and expect the woman in your life to be OK with that too. Believe me, she knows, hates it and it is in the way of pure intimacy in your marriage.
So, all of this is to say this one thing. If you value the women in your life, and yes this includes your mom, keep your eyes on hers, don’t look at her chest when she’s talking, don’t look at her butt when she’s leaving and PLEASE begin to realize men, that WE are the problem in this, not them in ANY way.
And guess what? I do it too. If you want an accountability partner to work on this with, you can always email me. martyfredrick@me.com
Let’s begin to change the face of respectability in our society.
Bringing Back Dads 
You said a lot of great things here Marty, and I agree with you on all of them, as men we are tempted so very much with these things. I like to think of this in terms of Screwtape Letters that we each have a Wormwood or Slumbglub egging us on to divert our attention and look wrongfully upon our sisters in Christ. I personally have always been taught that eye contact is the only way we should look upon a woman, and in general I hold eye contact as a very important thing I practice when dealing with anyone. The only thing I do oppose in what you have said is yes WE as men are the problem, but have you ever said to yourself “why the hell is she wearing something like that?” and I fee las though some women don’t realize how they are demoralizing themselves and not respecting themselves enough by waring inappropriate clothing. But to be clear, it is still wrong for men to look at them lustfully even in these situations. Thank you for your post Marty!
So true, Colby. I do often wonder why some women dress the way they do – although, the answer to that is either that they don’t even realize, that they WANT men to look or that they have been raised in a way in which it’s appropriate to be promiscuous.
As you mentioned though, we have a duty as men of God to encourage other men to be respectful. We can only control ourselves!!